Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Right where I need to be...

Last Friday we went up north for some quality family time. We got there before my brother and sisters came home from school. Molly and I were playing with some toys in the front room, when Marcella came in the door. Right away Molly smiled real big and waved to her. It was so cute! She quickly crawled right up to her to say hello.


I know I've said it before, but I just can't wait to watch their relationship and how it will grow as they grow.

I love how my family cuddles with her! My sisters are so comfortable with her, now. When Molly was an itty-bitty little birdy, everyone seemed afraid to hold her. Most people are a little extra cautious with a new born, of course, but my people were crazy cautious. Maybe it was more so in my head and everyone was acting accordingly, but I just wanted everyone to be happy and have fun.


I just wanted things to be normal, again. I begged for normalcy. When I was pregnant, I felt that everywhere I went people were staring and judging me. I'm sure most people were staring at my extra large slurpy and not the empty ring finger, but I still couldn't help the way I felt. How can you not feel that way after all when you are the one judging yourself? After I had Molly, I wanted to zap back into my old life immediately, or atleast how I felt in my old, normal life. 


(haha really old, REALLY bad picture)

I expected friends to treat me the way they had before the pregnancy. I expected my love to stop treating me like a fragile, basket-case. I expected my family to hold her the way I did. I totally expected a lot out of my people. But, really, I expected the most out of myself. If I didn't have a perfect supper made, all the laundry done, and the house perfectly clean I felt like someone old and wise was looking down at me, shaking their head. And this was the day after we came home from the hospital. I was in pain and not to mention unable to calm my calicy newborn. I know we learn as we live, but I wish I could go back and just hug myself and say, "take a nap. Even super-duper, turbo mom's nap." I've realized normalcy is not a reality for me. I can't change that my first born came six months before my wedding or that my husband proposed in an apartment and not on the Eiffel tower. But that doesn't mean I am any less...I don't know where this rant is coming from...but this blog has helped me in more ways than one. When you take time to look at your life and write it down, you realize how good you have it. In reading other mom-blogs, I've realized that it's okay to be a stay-at-home momma. I know now, that this is what He intended for me to be.

Your mom-blogger,
Margaret

2 comments:

  1. Margaret, I love your openness and ability to write this beautifully. I don't have that gift. I wish I could have seen you while you were pregnant so I could have given you a big hug and seen how beautiful you were!
    I don't think life turns out the way most of us plan ,but I for one am glad of that because God's plan is always way better. Can't wait to meet Molly!

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  2. Anna, you do have the openness and ability to write beautifully and it's proven in that comment. Thank-you so much for taking the time to read my posts. Blogging has become really therapeutic for me and really awesome comments are bonus!

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