Friday, April 30, 2010

God is Good.

I should be on my knees every second thanking God for what he has given me. I am so blessed!

For Molly's birthday my mom gave her two really cool toys. The one is a game where you put the four balls on there slots and hammer them through.

She also gave Molly these really cool wooden zoo animals.

Molly figured out the best way to play with them both is to combine the toys.

I spy an alligator and a giraffe. I did eventually get them out of there.

We also got out another one of Molly's birthday presents, yesterday. Her super cool sandbox! Yesterday was the perfect day to put tiny toes into sand and attempt to build sand castles. At first she was a little hesitant about touching the sand, but before long it was flying everywhere.

Oh how sweet little toes are in the sand!

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I stumbled upon a really great website today and wanted to share some useful information that I found. The website is

Since the holiday's began and my wedding ended, I've really fallen away from a healthy lifestyle. My motivation to get back into working out and eating healthy is in need of a push and buying a new pair of tennis shoes isn't going to do it for me. My mind set needs an overhaul. I keep giving myself excuses like "it's just a little Halloween candy"..... "you have to have pumkin pie at Thanksgiving"....."Christmas cookies are here only once a year".....and so on. I fell victim to Valentine conversation hearts and Easter jelly beans, also. Since I don't have my wedding dress looming over my head, I've really allowed for myself to slack. I need to teach myself, again, that these foods are bad for me and to trick my mind into thinking I don't want them anymore. I need to work on my will power.


It's a really great website with a lot of really helpful tools and is a great source for information. I really like the tool that helps you track what you are eating. I think if I was able to see what I was consuming everyday it may help. They also have a BMI (body mass index) to help measure your weight with relation to your height. This can help you figure out a healthy target body weight.

Check it out, let me know what you think. Do you have any fav. fitness/diet websites?


Molly's learned to walk and cry at the same time and that's pretty cool. She used to just fall on the floor. Poor girl's been getting some practice. She has a little toofer (tooth) coming in and it's causin' some pain, which makes her super cranky. Earlier today, to make her happy, I gave Molly my wallet and car keys. For some reason these forbidden toys are way more fun then all the super-duper toys she got on Saturday. Now, my checks and stamps are all wrinkled and slobbered on. great. One of these days I'll find a way to entertain her without destroying a valuable in the process.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Quick weekend recap

I know I'm slacking and it's already Tuesday. However, today feels like Monday to me, because Marshal took a half day off yesterday. We went to visit his Grandparents in the afternoon, yesterday. His Grandpa has been in a nursing home. After our visit we took Grandma out for dinner. Boy! Does she have some stories! I wish I could share them all, but I would probably end up embarrassing my husband. :)

Molly's Birthday Party!
Saturday was the big day. We had her big birthday bash. She had loads of fun opening presents, playing with tissue paper and boxs, giving hugs, and eating lots and lots of strawberries.

I'm not a big fan of birthday cake, especially making birthday cake, so I went easy and did a double Angel Food birthday cake. However, Molly wasn't too crazy about the spongy cake. She didn't even want to touch it. She did eat a pound of strawberries, though.

So many fun presents! She had so many new gifts, I completely forgot to give her ours!

She has a blueberry in her mouth in this picture. It cracks me up. The blueberries were really horrible and unripe, so they were extremely tart. I guess thats what I get in buying blueberries out of season.

Have a lovely day!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Molly's Story

Do you ever have one of those nights when you lay down to sleep, absolutely intending on enjoying every little bit of it, but then all of the sudden your mind starts to wonder? You try to trick yourself into believing this isn't going to happen. Bring it on. I can sleep. After a glass of milk, a trip to the bathroom and countless tosses and turns, you admit defeat. I usually will then stumble out of bed, feeling a bit nauseated, and flip on the useless TV. Tonight, I opted for the laptop.

I get exhaustingly jealous of the sleeping giant next to me in bed. With each one of his deep heavy breathes, I wish it were mine. Sometimes when I hear him rapidly drifting off into that really good feeling of being on the verge of sleep, I'll stir in vain hopes that it'll bring him back, back to where I am. Nobody wants to be in the dark alone. Next time, I'll remind myself not to drink my caffeinated cup of joe after dinner.

Well, now that I'm up, I might as well tell you what's on my mind.

I can't help lately, but to think about where I was last year and what I was doing. Remembering last year is very bitter-sweet. It was the time my little birdy arrived. Our baby. How beautiful it was. Suddenly she was here in my arms. I have a few really haggard pictures, thanks to a throw-away camera, to remind me of that moment, those few seconds of complete relief and bliss. Those pictures are so personal, so private to me. I didn't even put them into Molly's baby book like the rest of her pictures. They are still tucked into the envelope. I hate remembering what happened after the picture taking stopped, after all the smiling and enjoyment turned into ruffled brows and fearful eyes. I fell robbed at times. When the nurses took Molly from my arms, they quickly carted her out the room and promised to return in only a few minutes. Atleast they could have been honest with me. Cowards. Only a few tests, they said and then left me with my own mind all alone for two hours. As my daughter disappeared into the sterilized, white hallway of the hospital, I motioned for my husband to follow, we had after-all discussed what to do if this were to happen.

I didn't even realize the nightmare we were about to enter. I was calm. Anyhow, they said they'd be right back. As the minutes passed the lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger. My phone was ringing off the hook and I knew it was my mom. But, I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know myself what was going on, so I ignored it. I felt embarrassed. I couldn't be excited, therefore I couldn't talk at all. My swollen eyed husband finally entered through the doorway of my room, still the delivery room, forty minutes later. He knew nothing, only that they said  she would have to stay in the nursery for awhile. Why didn't I immedately run to her side? He said she was crying.

I was able to finally see my baby when a grumpy, pathetic nurse desided I could be wheeled into the nursery. She was so purple. She was so mad. I'll never forget the way she looked all helpless and lonely in her little incubator. But, I didn't even pick her up. I didn't even know if they would let me pick her up. So many wires, so many monitors surrounding her and an oxygen mask covering her tiny face. My first reaction was to just touch her, stroke her back. Immediately, they told me babies don't like that and to place my hands here and here. Funny little bit of irony is that Molly loves her back rubbed and at times it was the only way I could calm her.

As I placed my left hand on her tiny head and my right on her little rump, the tears just began to pour. I begged God to help this little thing and told him how sorry I was at whatever I did to do this to her. Behind me I heard a heartless nurse tell my nurse that she better come back because this could take awhile. The funny thing is, I remember that remark, but I can't even remember where my husband was at this time. I remembing feeling like I was imposing or somehow in their way. Eventually a gentle, gray-haired nurse made her way over to us. She picked up Molly and tossed her tiny, screaming body into a tight swaddle and then placed her into my arms. Immediately she stopped crying. Why didn't I pick her up before? The oxygen in her blood immediately rose to a healthy number. For a second I felt like a proud momma again. Then, out of nowhere, she began screaming again, sending her numbers back into a danger zone. I began to panic. Next all I remember her being taken from my arms, again, and my wheel chair being carted away from her. Why didn't I stand up and craddle her? Why did I let them take her, again? She was crying so hard, at times she would stop breathing.

The next few hours are more of a blur for me. I'm sure they consisted of me just watching and praying. Eventually, they told me I had to go to my room to have my vitals checked. I cried the whole way back. I cried when the nurses checked my pulse and when they checked my temperature. Wouldn't you think someone would say something? They just left me. I begged my husband to stay with her as long as her could. Why didn't I go back up there? Was I afraid? After he couldn't take anymore of the pain of watching your baby girl scream and not be able to do anything about it, my husband finally retreated to our room. I really don't remember the time, maybe one o'clock. Our exhausted, swollen eyes forced themselves closed.

Unable to take it any longer, I awoke my husband and asked him to check on our girl. I think it was about four in the morning. As he was walking to the nursery, he saw a baby, our baby, being rushed into the NICU. Frightened, he asked the nurse if that was his daughter and where they were taking her. She explained to him that her oxygen level was deteriorating and was being taken into the neonatal intensive care unit. We knew this could happen. They had told us if she didn't start breathing on her own, she would have to go there.  But, I have to ask the question, when were they going to tell us she was rushed to the NICU? The nurse told my husband that it was the doctors responsibility to inform us and not hers. Oh, of course.

We both admit to have felt relief knowing that she had finally been brought to the nic-unit. Maybe now somebody will actually do something. We waited in our room for a nurse practicioner to finally inform us on our daughters health. He told us in an hour she should be stabilized and that then we could go see her. I really can't explain how I felt then. Now, I'm angry with myself for not being there, for not fighting to be with her. I don't know why I didn't go immediately to the nic-unit and why I waited until morning. For some reason I felt okay, and that she was okay.

Just before we were about to make our way to Molly, our pediatrican came into the room. This was the first time I met Dr. Ginn and he was the first person to tell us our baby was going to survive. Now, all of the sudden I couldn't wait to get to her. I didn't feel any pain practically running to the nic-unit. Then when I finally saw her, turbo mom came into play and I fought for her and I knew she was mine forever. 

We spent three days in the nic-unit. Not long compared to the little fella next to her, but it seemed like eternity to me. I went into fight mode to get through the next few days. My body completely shut off all of it's needs, so that I could completely focus on getting her home. I was never hungry, I never felt pain, and I was never tired.

I have nights, like tonight, when I can become furious. I want to blame the nurses. I want to change the first few hours. Sometimes when I see her I want to tell her how sorry I am that I wasn't there when she first cried and sometimes I become so upset with myself for not acting right away that I cry. I still cry. But, then I remember the rest of the story. I remember the amazing nurses from the nic-unit who called my baby beautiful. I remember the support from our families and friends and how understanding there were in giving me the space I needed. I remember the joy and the feeling of victory when she was finally discharged.

She has taught me so many things in such a short amount of time. She has made the both of us people we never imagined we could be. I hope some day she realizes how much she means to us and I will be forever grateful of her love.

I know I've been avoiding your birthday. For some reason, I feel like if I keep pushing off the party then your're not officially one. But, the 18th came and went and now you are my one year old. There was a time when I couldn't even imagine making it to that date. Now, it's even five days after. Happy Birthday, Molly!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Laundry Day

When I used to live on my own I would do my laundry maybe once a week, usually every other. At most my laundry day would consist of a load of darks and then my towels. Now, i sware, i'm doing laundry constantly. Laundry day is everyday, yet I still seem to always be behind. I'm absolutely in heaven when I've finished the laundry and it's either hanging in a closet or folded into a drawer. This kind of bliss only lasts a few minutes, because either my husband comes home from work and all of the sudden there's ten pairs of jeans as dirty as can be laying on the closet floor or Molly spits up at the perfect angle to splash me, her and the couch. Laundry is endless (and I only have one child).

Good thing Molly is freakin' amazing help when it comes to doing laundry...and she doesn't even know it. I hope some day she is as amazing doing the dishes as she is doing laundry.

I thought it would be a good idea to stick her into the dryer to get "the picture" and try to entertain her a bit. It really freaked her out.

Molly got a super cool birthday card in the mail yesterday (thanks MH). She would not put it down for a single second. It even made it on the stroller ride.

Love as always,

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My morning recharge

Mornings can get kind of long, especially if you have an early bird like I do. By Molly's morning nap, I'm about ready to crash myself. How do you keep yourself going? I used to make another pot of Joe, but the body can only take so much caffeine. Also, I began to use her nap time as time to clean and run around the house like a mad-woman. By the time her nap was over, I was even more exhausted and not ready for round two.

Blogging has helped me take a little time back for me. Before, I really didn't have anything else to do but clean. Now, during Molly's morning nap I blog. I look forward to writing, which forces me to sit and relax. Through blogging I've also found a few really amazing mom's who also blog. Their stories help me recharge.

Funny Fiasco...

While I try to clean up one mess, she is making another mess. I was happy that she was entertaining herself, but there's a pretty high price for letting your baby play with your purse. We lost a coupon. At first I was shocked because I thought she had eaten the other half of the coupon, but later I found it stuck to her butt. lovely.

Another one of those moments when my first reaction should probably not be to grab the camera. So many times when Molly does something funny or cute, I always kind of look around like did you see that? I always want to tell everyone how proud of her I am and show off all of her talents.

She's just so stinkin' cute (okay, and how cute are those shorts?!). I love showing off those chubby legs.
Much Love,

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My house is a mess, I need to start planning my daughters 1st birthday party, I haven't worked out in weeks, did I mention my house is a mess?? and what do we do? sleep in until 10 o'clock this morning! *sigh* I love my baby. The bad thing is, yesterday was my screw-off-don't-care-getpizzafordinner day, so today can't be the same. You can't have those kind of days two days in a row or things could start falling apart.

After having such a high for a weekend, its hard to get back to things for me and I usually hit a low. Recently, it's gotten so much harder to leave family. I'm thinkin' maybe it's time to start thinking about living closer to home. See, and I still call New Bremen/Maria Stein home. West Milton has yet to even become home. My house, Marshal and Molly are my home, but West Milton just isn't yet.

I love the picture above, because when she reads books she goes into a runners to your marks stance. She quickly flips through the book, giving each page the amount of time she deems appropriate. This little girl is just so gosh-darn funny sometimes.
With love as always,

Monday, April 19, 2010

Trip to Tennessee

We did it! We made it all the way to Nashville, Tennessee and back in two days....with Molly. I can't believe how well Little Birdy did in the car. We figured we would need to stop every hour or more frequently, but we only stopped twice on the way and twice on the way back. And really, we had to stop for me the first time! She did fuss a few times towards the end of a trip, but thanks to a good friend, we were able to borrow a portable dvd player. I give full credit to Baby Einstein and crackers for the success of our trip.

Traveling with a baby, more so the idea of traveling with a baby is very stressful. I didn't realize how nervous I was about the whole trip until the night before and I couldn't sleep. It could have been a complete nightmare. Now I know for sure that I have the best baby in the world.

On top of Marshal's support, I also was lucky to have the support and help from my sister and her boy-friend. It was nice to have the extra help in the backseat, so Marshal could focus on driving. Honestly, it was a really easy trip, direction wise. Nashville is very direct and the hotel was right off the highway.

It was such a quick trip to Nashville, I'd like to go back sometime to see a little bit more of the city. Once we checked into the hotel and did a little victory dance, we went out to Noshville Delicatessen for an early dinner. I have to say, I was a little disappointed. I thought it would be like the best sandwich I had ever had, mostly because it was ten bucks, but it really wasn't all that special. The service was stellar. Molly made a friend in the waitress. She was bringing Molly crackers for smiles and even gave us a doggy bag of cookies. 

After dinner, it was time to get ready for the wedding. I prayed the whole way up that I hadn't forgot anything. It was the moment of truth when I pulled out the suitcase to find everything I needed. Once everyone was dressed and groomed, I relaxed big time. It was like I had a giant imaginary list, and every time I could say check, I could relax that much more.

The wedding was beautiful. I spent most of the mass and ceremony running after Molly in the back, but from what I saw, it was absolutely beautiful. I wish I had taken more pictures, but it was way past Molly's bedtime. When you have a sleepy baby, picture taking gets put on the back burner. But, I do have a few more pictures that I'll leave ya'll with!!

Happy Monday!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Five days 'til my babe is a one-year old. I always hate it when people say "oh I can't believe it"...really? you never imagined that could happen? But, in this case, I really can't believe she is turning one this sunday. I'm pretty sure there was a point where I really usn't sure if we would make it to a year. The first night my baby was born, I wasn't even sure if she would make it to morning. literally. But, I don't want to talk about that right now. This weekend I will be celebrating my first borns birth. When I am asked how old she is, I will then reply "One." Her official party will be on the 24th, so I still have a little while to plan. I'm really counting on everything just being at JoAnn Fabrics....mostly because I have coupons! So far, I'm seeing butterflies, tulle and pastels.

Okay and seriously, summer baby clothes are sooo much fun! I'm so glad to put her in something other than sweats. When I buy her clothes I get just as excited as when I buy myself clothing. It's kind of funny. Plus, her clothes are a bit cheaper.

Our house is all on one floor, meaning no stairs. I've often wondered how I would teach her to go up and down stairs since we don't have any. The other day she was playing on the deck and she just climbs right on up the steps. All that worrying for nothing, I guess.

Hope everyone is having a great week so far!

Monday, April 12, 2010

weekend recap

It was a wonderful weekend and I now feel completely rejuvenated! Thank-you God, for giving me such a wonderful and supportive family.

Our weekend started with a trip to Miami University to pick up my brother, Mark. It was our first real road trip together with Molly. Between baby einstein movies and cookies, I was fully prepared.

It was wonderful having my brother Mark here on Saturday. We were able to finish picking up the sticks from the trees we cut down. It was a major load off my mind. Later that night, we had our very first cookout.

Here is my top chef firing up the grill for the first time.

Our cookout guests! Please excuse my shadow and Molly's belly.

Sunday was just as lovely. We took a cruise to Grandma and Grandpa Bergmans. Marshal had to take a load of sticks up to Maria Stein, so we decided to come along for the ride and a visit. To top off an already amazing day in the sun shine, we got pizza from the Korner....*sigh*....there is no better pizza. I have to remember to bring the camera next time!!!

Just a quick recap, because good weekends equal big messes.

Friday, April 9, 2010

I seriously have the best baby in the world. Yesterday, after dinner, I was feeling less than great and laid on the couch. Little bugger desided to climb up and snuggled into the crook of my hip. She just laid there with me.

When she was a newborn it would take atleast 2 hours before I could even get her into her crib and then she would frequently wake up until she finally settled in to a deep sleep. Now when she's ready for bed or a nap she just comes and finds me and lays her head down. She's the greatest.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Calling on all the strength from family and friends! Between taxes, trees and a series of unfortunate events, I'm absolutely frazzled. I just want to surround myself with positive people and completely dissolve all the negatives that seem to keep pulling me down.  I told myself I wouldn't blog on bad days, because I don't want to drag you down with me. I'm just asking for a few extra prayers.

Bring on the rain.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

More gardening

Like I said before, our yard is a mess and is requiring a lot of attention. I spent a couple hours yesterday just weeding and most of our evening was spent outdoors, also. Usually I don't mind a little yard work, but I was getting a little frustrated yesterday. There are millions of rocks buried in our flower beds. I'm not talking about little pebbles that just show up; I'm talking about big rocks that were put there purposefully by somebody. I can understand lining your flowerbeds with rocks as a paver, but why bury them? I wouldn't have minded their presence, but I want to shorten the flowerbed and plant some grass because I don't need two hundred thousand feet of flowerbeds. Sorry for the rant. There are just so many stupid things you have to deal with when you buy a house from someone who didn't love and take care of it. For instance, I'm not just dealing with the rock issue. I'm also cleaning up beer bottle caps, very old Easter grass or something that looks like very old Easter grass, and all sorts of other trash that has been hidden by over grown bushes who had been neglected for years. I love our house. We fought very hard to get to where we are and it makes me mad that someone took it for granted and didn't give it the love it deserves. The first day we moved into our house, I mentally hugged it and whispered "It's okay. I'll take care of you now."

Molly didn't mind a little yard work. She dove right in. The funny part, was that I actually let her. After a bath and a bottle, she was so tuckered out from all the playing and the fresh air. Needless to say, she slept very well, which helps us all sleep well.

I like how she still has left over squash still splattered on her cheeks. Speaking of food, for all of you momma's with babies, I discovered a new baby yogurt last saturday and absolutely love it. It's Yobaby by Stonyfield. You can see fruit, unlike Gerbers baby yogut, and it actually smells like yogurt and not like candy. But most importantly, I trust the Stonyfield brand. When it comes to price, there really isn't much of a difference. Stonyfield has six yogurt cups, which are smaller than Gerbers, but Gerber only sells them by four packs. I actually prefer the smaller cup, because she would never finish the entire Gerber yogurt. Also, Stonyfield has variety packs, while Gerber doesn't. I know, I'm excited over baby food once again, but I just wanted to share my new find. If you register at their website, you can even recieve coupons and rewards.

Another big advantage of Stonyfield products are that their organic. I've never really bought into the whole organic thing. I guess I'm kind of cynical when it comes to an organic label. I will believe it is organic when I pull it from my garden. But when it comes to my baby.....yes, I buy organic when I have the option and yes, I'll pay twenty cents more on the jar just because it reads organic whether or not I believe it is truely organic or not.

Hopefully before the end of the summer, my little birdy can help my pull vegetables from our own garden and I won't have to worry about what was sprayed on it or where it really came from. It's sad that our food industry has come to this and that we have to worry about the produce and meats we buy. Between the peanut and spinach scare, I'm spending a little more time washing and preparing our meals and more closely examining our foods.

If you have any foods or brands you particularly trust and believe in please let me know. I'll take all the help and advice I can get when it comes to the quality of our food and safety of my family.

One last picture of Molly in the mud. She decided it would be way more fun if she would toss the dirt onto the step and then brush it off with her hand.

Love always,

Monday, April 5, 2010

Happy Easter!

I think Easter is the best holiday. I know I say that about every holiday, but this time I mean it. First of all, it's spring, so everyone is in a super-good mood. Second, it's not winter. Third, you don't have all the stress of presents that Christmas usually brings. This is why I believe Easter is the best holiday. Okay, and I freakin' love jelly beans.

Yesterday morning, we woke up early and I just felt rejuvenated; I felt so alive. Lent is over, spring is here, we get to go see family, and most importantly, He has risen.

We started our Easter morning with a new tradition of Easter Smoothies! (yes, it's fun to start new traditions whether or not they last) Don't you love the smoothie 'stache??

After breakfast, it was time to get dressed. I had been looking forward to this since we bought her dress. Last year I couldn't even imagine what Easter would be like with my soon-to-be-one-year-old. I couldn't even imagine what dress she'd be wearing. I couldn't imagine how she would melt my heart when she hugged her new Easter Bunny stuffed animal. I couldn't imagine how many friends at church would call her beautiful. I couldn't imagine how proud I'd feel showing her off to family. So here's to enjoying what I couldn't even imagine.

We hit up Grandma and Grandpa Bergman's, before crashing the Travis Easter party.

Molly with her Grandma Sarah

The official Easter photo

Of course my mom *ahem* I mean the Easter Bunny had a basket for our little birdy awaiting for us at their house. She was extrememly interested in the Easter grass, picking one piece up at a time with her chubby fingers and examining it through her big brown eyes.

She got plenty of lovin' from this guy, the always cool Uncle Mark. She gets so much attention around our families. At one point Marshal and I looked around and were like, "who has the baby?" I've held her constantly for the past year and now that she is more independent and allows to be entertained by others, I sometimes feel wierd not holding. I feel like a part of me is missing when she is not in my arms and I find myself still rocking back and forth, side to side.

As the afternoon turned into evening, I realized that this is her last first holiday. It's a feeling of accomplishment, joy and sadness all rolled into one. The other day Marshal asked when they officially become toddlers. I said no, she's still a baby.

She might be quickly entering into toddlerhood and Easter might have been her last first holiday, but it's okay....there is so much more to come.