Friday, February 18, 2011

Dealing.

My entire life right now seems to revolve around the amount of sleep I get, which really means how much Molly sleeps. I'm obsessed with this idea that I need a good long night, waking up ready, fully rested sleep and until I get it I'm unable to function. Recently, in the mornings I wake up angry because once again it took until midnight to fall asleep and as soon as I do Molly wakes up and as soon as she goes back to sleep my husband's 5-freakin-oclock alarm goes off and then its a half hour of trying to get back to sleep before Molly wakes up again at 5:30 ready to start her day.

When Molly was a newborn, it seemed easier to be up all night and function with little to zero sleep. I would pack my husbands lunch at 4 in the morning after feeding Molly for the third or fourth time that night and still be able to have breakfast with my husband when he got up, workout and shower before my day has even begun. I don't know what's changed or why I can't handle her being up in the middle of the night. I think I've begun to consider naptime and bedtime to be my break time and when I don't get that it's like not getting a break or having time off and working 24 hours a day. Lately, I've just begun to crave a break and its just building up inside like a coil.

After having another very frustrating night filled with baby frequently waking up and yelling, "mommy bed...mommy bed," and me trying to ignore her heart breaking pleas and let her cry back to sleep, I caved and gave in. At around 5:30 a.m. both of us were tired of crying back to sleep and I finally brought her to our bed.


After I got rid of the pacifier, the naps have dwindled into nothing and I got desperate enough to start taking naps with her. I should have known. Now I've ruined all of our hard work and she once again only wants to sleep in my bed, but I have no energy. No will. No strength to struggle with her. So I gave in.

(This is what she believes the crib is for, throwing all her stuffed toys inside and then laying on them.)

The hardest part about all of this is that I really do want her to sleep with us. I miss her tiny little 8lb. body cuddled up on my chest. This struggle makes it really hard to listen to her cry back to sleep when I want to bring her in bed and tuck her in next to me. But, then there is the other part of me that needs that time when she sleeps for time to myself. It's a struggle and I'm to tired to deal so I give in and I am left without a break, without sleep.

These long days have left me a bit desperate in trying to find ways to keep Molly Bird entertained. Not only has Molly watched more tv (movies) than I am comfortable with, but I pretty much will do anything to keep her entertained. This has included building tents, which are "houses" to Molly, playing with any utensel in the kitchen excluding the knives, mattresses in the livingroom...I guess what I'm trying to say is if she wants something, she gets it.
I'm sure you can guess when she saw these pictures, she immediately requested a basket.

Maybe it's just winter or maybe it's just pregnancy hormones, but I'm tired of just dealing and am ready for energy. I just don't know how to get there, because the reality is Molly isn't even two yet....and I can't have caffeine haha!





If any mother out there has conquered the art of letting go and knows the secrets to getting an almost-two-year-old to sleep, please fill me in.

Happy Friday!
~Margaret

Friday, February 11, 2011

I'm Tired.

This morning has been really really rough. I'm trying to come to terms with the overtime my husband is working, I'm trying to deal with the morning sickness and I'm trying to help Molly learn to sleep longer. None of this is happening. I can't deal with my husband not being here in the evenings and on saturdays (let alone Sundays), I can't control morning sickness anymore than I can control the weather and I'm pretty sure the harder I try to get Molly to sleep more the less she ends up sleeping.


She didn't sleep as a two month old, why would I think she'd sleep as a two year old?? So, I'm admitting defeat (for now), turning on Molly's "baby flowers" movie, opening a box of Froot Loops and laying on the couch.

After watching more crazy drama going on at the neighbors house yesterday, I've been doing a little real estate searching. I know when we bought the place that we wouldn't live here forever, but I didn't think I'd be looking around this early. I love my home and don't want to leave it, especially after all the work we've put into it, but there isn't a future for us here and I know my husband is unhappy. Sometimes I seriously wish I could just pick up the house and move it somewhere else. Anybody want to buy an empty lot? Didn't think so...


Between my sleepless daughter and frustrated husband, I'm left feeling a litte restless. Ready for a change, but not willing to give anything up yet. I've never been very good at taking one day at a time....


A few days ago, Molly wanted to wear a towel over her head and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. She likes to wear hats, but I was trying to figure out why she wanted a towel and where she had got it from.


Then I realized, yesterday after I had taken a shower, when I was wrapping my hair up in a towel that she had gotten it from me. Sure enough, later I find her like this!


I knew it had to have come from somewhere! Little do I realize how much she is watching and learning from me.


I just love her so much...
Happy Friday!
~Margaret

Monday, February 7, 2011

Joy.

As I get Molly's breakfast ready early this morning, I couldn't help but get excited thinking about how different our mornings will be when our new love arrives. Molly will tag along behind me down the hall to the kitchen as I carry a pink little one swaddled up in a banklet. Most of all, I just can't wait to see Molly love on her baby brother or sister.


These kind of thoughts are whats getting me through. Getting me through the rough mornings, where I'm running down the hall to puke and laying on the couch more and nothing gets done until my husband gets home. These thoughts make it easy to give up caffeine and advil...and my waist line.


Everyday, I fall a little more and more in love with this new soul. It used to really bother me thinking about splitting my time with a new baby and Molly Bird. She has been the center of my world for so long that I truly couldn't imagine being able to fit another little birdy in that circle. Now I am at peace with the idea and have put all my trust in God.


Besides, what greater gift is there than a sibling. There is nothing that I could give Molly that would be greater than a brother or a sister. When I think about the summers they'll spend together running through grass and jumping into pools, my heart becomes overloaded with joy.


My last pregnancy was full of worry and fear of the unknown. This time I'm focusing on the good and all the joy that is to come. This will be my year for joy.
~Margaret 

Saturday, February 5, 2011

News to share

I'm thrilled to finally be able to share that.....


We're having a baby!

This big girl is going to be a big sister!

We are due August 25th and, truly, I couldn't imagine being any happier. I'm so excited to start this next stage of our lives together. All I can think about is the soft pink skin of a newborn and introducing Molly to her baby sister of brother.


More to come later...right now I have a Molly Bird who needs some saturday cuddling.
~Margaret

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Snow day....I mean Ice Day!

Last night our county went under a level 3 warning, making it illegal to drive on the roads. I whispered, "Thank-you, God." A level 3 snow emergency is the only thing that would keep my husband from driving to work in this ridiculous and dangerous weather. So now, we have daddy home all day and we couldn't be happier!


Part of my New Years resolution is to get the spare bedroom ready to be Molly's bedroom, so that when she grows out of the crib or begins to climb out of it, I will be ready.


Like every other project, this project has been put onto the back burner, because of a more immediate project....or in this particular situation, a major repair. The window in our bedroom must of been leaking for years because we discovered the wall had totally rotted out. The studs were crumbling, the particle board was gone, the insulation had long disappeared and the only evidence revealing this decay was a crack in the dry wall and a draft coming through.


It's taken forever to get the wall repaired, still waiting for the new window and now i have to paint our bedroom, the one room that I thought was done. Since we have to paint, I decided to change it up a bit. I was inspired by a lovely bedspread that I just had to have. I can't wait for it to be finished. My goal was to brighten the room and bring in more cheerful colors. Since Marshal is home to help me paint today, this can hopefully be done by next week!


Once our room is painted, I can move our bed back from the spare room and get painting. I was a little motivated last sunday and picked up a mattress, box spring, frame, sheets and pillows at sams club. I also found an adorable quilt and comforter from JCPenny.com, that came in the mail two days ago. So, I'm really getting excited to pick out some paint for her future "big girl" room! This is crazy, but good.


We've been discussing this concept of a "big girl" bed for awhile now. I'm not sure who the pep talk is for, Molly or me?? I may be jumping the gun a bit, because I know she isn't ready to leave her crib, but Molly barely naps and usually gets up before 6 in the morning. This may sound crazy, but I think she might sleep better once she's in a bed. She absolutely loves pillows and blankets, and I have to peel her off of our bed most days. I guess time will only tell....


For now I'm trying to focus on one project at a time, even though it may not seem like it.


...And not stressing over forgetting a mattress pad or blue tape (there's always something i've forgotten no matter how many darn lists I make...haha okay not stressing).


Life has been all little rough on Molly lately. Last week, I decided it was time for the pacifier to go. I hadn't bought any new pacifiers for awhile and we were down to one left. Last week I noticed the last pacifier was starting to show signs of wear and was beginning to break down. I couldn't give it to her again due to the risk of choking or something crazy like that. This was all part of my plan. Now, I was forced to begin the de-pacification process. Little birdy has been a trooper and one week later, she no longer asks for it! I really truly can't believe we are here. I can't think about it too deeply or else I'll get all weepy..cuz my little birdy is getting big. Not too long ago I could have never imagined we'd be here. No pacifier. Check. New bed. Check. I'm thinking potty training is next....

Now I have to warn you...this next picture is hilarious.


We let Molly play with her new mattress, because frankly she was too darn excited not to. I was sitting on the rocking chair and Marshal was on the floor next to her and we were watching the news. Suddenly, Molly goes flying through the air and Marshal was like, did you see her? And I was like, what?? She just decides to jump from the couch to the mattress because she is a rock star. It was honestly one of the funniest moments in my life. I asked her to do it again, and she did....over and over again.

Happy hump day!
~Margaret