Tuesday, April 19, 2011

We Partied

Yesterday, I woke up finally feeling a little relief from the sinus pressure that had been bogging me down for weeks. Molly woke up happy and for some reason I felt like I'd be able to handle a party. So, we quickly threw a few things together and ended up with a pretty awesome Birthday party.

I don't think she was diggin' the Birthday song...

She needed a little help with the candles...

She got a lick of the icing, but I gave her a few jelly beans instead of a slice of chocolate cake, which I thought would be the better of the two evils since it was eight at night. Maybe next year she can have slice of cake ;).

We had fun.

Molly Birdy opened the gifts like a pro. She knew what to do this year.

The day got a little hectic at times, with cleaning and cooking, but at the end of the day I was really glad we had the party. She may not remember or have even cared if we celebrated on another day, but this was for me. This was my memory.

I may not have baked the most perfect cake with towers of craziness and magical sprinkles all over it, there wasn't a creative mind blowing theme, and I didn't even have a single gift bought (yet) for her....and it was exactly how I wanted to remember it. Celebrating our first born together. Celebrating life and it's imperfections.

Life is imperfect. If I've learned anything for this whole experience, it's to let go just a little bit. Let things happen. Stop the controlling. Stop the stress. My child, I've learned so much from you in such a short time.


Sunday, April 17, 2011

When two rockstars get sick...

This past week has been exhausting. Physically. Emotionally. Everything seemed to big for me to handle. It all started a few weeks ago when I got a bad cold which led into a painful sinus infection. I thought I had gotten through it with a few extra vitamins, steam showers and lots of liquids, however a few short days later it returned with a vengeance. Then my love, my child, my little birdy got sick. It started with a fever, which she's gotten fevers before, but with the fever she got a cold. Not just a runny nose, but a my-face-hurts-make-me-feel-better-mommy cold.

We did the usual sick day things. Soup. Sleep. Lots of water. I knew what to do. I could handle this...as long as Dora the Explorer was on Nick Jr and I felt better in the morning. But then things changed just a bit. Just enough so that this mom had no idea how to handle life. First of all, my cold got worse. Then I learned that Molly may have been exposed to Whooping Cough and that she had all the first stage's symptoms. Of course, I immediately began to scour the Internet for answers. Well, I don't really go on the Internet for answers. That's just my excuse for really searching in vain for a word, a description or anything that would tell me my child does not have Whooping Cough. Something to make me feel better. Something to help me not worry.

My heart still hurts, because I still don't know. Her cold is letting up, but we'll have to wait to see what test results say and if "the" cough comes next. This could be the calm before the storm or it could be the finish line for her cold. I truly fear the unknown and even as I type this I have to remind myself not to think about it because everything will be okay. I sorted through my emotions, I've had my break down and now I know we'll be okay.

I had Whooping cough when I was young. Most of my brothers and sister also had gotten it. I don't remember the cough or feeling sick, but more than anything I remember my parents worry and sadness, especially my mothers. I have a clear memory of having to part with my mom in the parking lot as my dad brought me into the hospital. For years this memory made me sad. I've never really understood it. I don't remember being sad. But the memory makes me sad. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it would have been for my mother to leave me and my little brother at the hospital with my dad and have to go home without us to take care of the rest of her sick children and a newborn.

I don't want Molly to have to go through this. Please. I don't want any of my children to ever have to go through that. I want to buy plastic Easter eggs to fill with jelly beans and eat Peeps, not because they're good but because it's Easter, and not worry about what time her next antibiotic will be or if that cough she just made sounded like a "whooping" sound or remember these painful memories. I can remember a night, not too long ago, when my rosary beads past quickly through my fingers as I prayed for her to be okay. The very first time I ever felt this kind of worry.

April, 18th.


Maybe that's why I'm crying.

Molly Bird, we just love you too much.

You are our life.

One year after we met you. One year after I discovered who I truly was. One year ago...

You were just beginning to walk. There were so many things you were just beginning that you have long accomplished now.

One year ago we never ever ever ever went anywhere without your pacifier. And now, you bring a purse and sunglasses with you everywhere you go.

This is how you used to plow through a cranberry muffin...

Instead of like this...

Oh, and remember how you used to wear diapers?

You have changed so much in one year....I can only imagine how amazing this next year is going to be.

Happy Birthday, my love.

~Your mommy

Friday, April 8, 2011


Lately....when Molly goes to bed she "needs" several things in her crib before she will consider going to bed. First of all she needs a mommy pillow, which is a regular size pillow, and then she needs her frog pillow, which is a pillow with Kermit the frog prints on it Marshal's mom made for her. Then there is the white blanky, pink blanky and finally other pink blanky...she needs all three. Next she'll pick a few random stuffed animals that she sees on her bedroom floor to sleep with, but ALWAYS she needs her "Mama Bear." She will not sleep without her Mama Bear.

The other day Molly requested to have lunch with her Mama Bear. She tried feeding her applesauce, which really ended being dripped all the way down the bears stomach. After making the mess, Molly looked at me like "it's not my fault the bear didn't eat it."

Lately....she has become quite the stinker.

Yesterday Molly was making a sound like "SSSSSSS" and I was like what are you doing? And to my surprise she says, "Making S sound!" She surprises me with something new everyday.

Molly loves the pool. She REALLY loves to swim. The other day I noticed her sliding the baby toy to the couch, she pulled herself up and then stuck her feet in the toy. I asked her if she's pretending to be at the pool and she replied that she was putting her toes in the water with grandpa (in her own words). She remembered the time when we were at a hotel and my dad took her down to the pool and let her put her feet in!

Lately....we've  been preparing for spring by doing a little shopping. I found a pair of "jammies" that I just couldn't resist. Honestly, I'd buy a pair of pajama's every time we went out if it weren't for Marshal's level head. Baby jammies make me weak. When I asked Molly if I could take a picture of her in her new jammies she ran to the corner of the chair and pouted. She's really not into posing for pictures yet.

Earlier this week, Marshal worked some really crappy hours that started at midnight and ended at 8 am. I was pretty nervous, but luckily God spared us and it only last three nights.

I was wearing myself out trying to find quiet things for Molly to do, when she just decided to sit in her crib (with every stuffed animal) and quietly read books. Her idea.

I relieved a lot of stress by organizing her closet while she looked at books quietly. These moments feel like gifts from God. When I'm close to my breaking point because the stress of life has completely over taken my ability reason, Molly does something ridiculously out of character and I am given a moment to take a deep breath and refuel.

Lately....Molly is head over heals for slides. She will turn anything into a slide and either send herself or a toy down it. If you're reclining on the couch, the curve of your body will turn into a slide. And parenting rule number one: If you do something once, be prepared to do it a million times. So, if it requires strength and endurance, like sliding Molly down your legs in an awkward position, don't. give. in.

To satisfy Molly's craving for slides, we took her to a park the first sunny day we were given. And it was worth it.

She ran like a mad lady with her arms outstretched to balance the speed her little body wasn't able to manage. She was happy.

She was thrilled.

And I was proud.

And in these refueling moments when my heart is too full to control, I take pictures...lots of pictures...so I can keep the heart pounding joy on tap ready to refill my empty cup.

We'll be going back soon...
Happy Friday