Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Coward.

I love getting rid of the old to bring in the new, I love organizing and I love clearing out. The change in the seasons usually sends me in a organizing frenzy. But when it comes to Molly's closet and putting away Molly's out-grown clothing, I'm absolutely terrified. I am a coward when it comes to change. Especially this kind of change. Change when you put pretty Christmas dresses away knowing she won't be able to wear it again next year, because next year she will be a year older. Change that is irreversible. Change that is out of my hands.


Every time I pull a favorite shirt or an adorable dress from the closet I feel that same twinge of pain. I feel that same anxiety. That same fear. I know that the articles of clothing are just that, articles of clothing, but I can't help but feel with every outfit I put away I'm putting away a piece of my baby. My baby is slipping away into an adventurous, imaginative, smart little girl and there's nothing I can do about it.


She is growing. Her concentration face kills me. She's processing, she's understanding and she's soaking it all in. This change I am proud of. My husband and I are building a foundation for our lives, for our children and every time she smiles and tells me she's "happy now," I know the change is okay. The other day, we were chillin' and she said something to me and she knew it was silly. I said, "what did you say?" and she replied, "nothing," with a grin. I see so much of myself in her.


I could probably find a picture of myself pursing my lips the same way. I know I do it all the time.


I may fear change and be a coward at times, but deep down inside I know she will always be Molly and I will always be her mom.

~Margaret

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